


Four Loves

by niki_at_night



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Falling In Love, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-21
Updated: 2013-07-28
Packaged: 2017-12-20 20:50:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/891708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niki_at_night/pseuds/niki_at_night
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester realizes, then forgets, then remembers his love for Castiel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He was in the parking lot of a Gas-n-Go when he realized it was love- really should have guessed sooner. After all, he’d felt it before. He knew all the signs, and he wasn’t stupid. He recognized that strange mix of gravity and levity. He knew what the heart palpitations at the sound of your name meant.

His life was hell when you met; you swooped in and rescued him when he was more monster than man. And when you flew too high and singed your wings on the sun and your pride, it was he who caught you.  
But that day at the gas station… He was angry, and you sat there in the front seat of his car, and you had no idea what you’d done to hurt him so; you were so far gone you’d forgotten your own name.

And without even knowing what you were doing, your sweet words brought him to the brink of forgiveness. And for one sweet moment, there was clarity. Why had your betrayal hurt so much? Why was it so much harder to shake off the bruises inflicted by you?

And why, even after the wounds you caused, was he dying to forgive you? Why was the grudge he’d been clinging to suddenly slipping from his grasp?

The answer, quite simply, was love.  
But life happened, as it has a tendency to do. He walked into the store, searching for a snack, and got distracted. Instead of thinking about this revelation, the realization of his love for you, he was confronted with demons from the past, and in just a moment, he’d forgotten the clarity of feeling and things were foggy again.  
And maybe he would have remembered quickly, but the timing was off. He needed to solve family matters, and you had your own demons to fight and regrets to remedy. Fledgling affection was placed on a back burner, shoved behind obligation and responsibility. And he simply forgot.

This time, when he remembers his love, it is slow, not sudden.  
He remembers that he fell for you piece by piece, for pink lips and messy hair and clear blue eyes that hold his stare just a little too long. He fell for a sense of humor that’s slightly out of line, and the way you smirk instead of smile.

But mostly, he fell for your heart. It’s a good heart, full of pure intentions, even if the things you do are often flawed in execution. 

He remembers that he falls for you every day, every kind of love overwhelming him.  
Στοργή. Storge. The love of a brother, affection found through familiarity. Found between family members or people who have otherwise found themselves together by chance, present without coercion. His hand clapped on your shoulder, claiming he hasn’t laughed that hard in years. Holding back snickers as you talk yourself into a hole. Looking at you with fondness softening his eyes.

Φιλία. Phileo. The love of a friend. Love that grows between two people who share a common interest. Love that is beautiful because it isn’t grown from necessity, but it is freely chosen. Fighting the world side by side. Holding your weight when you were too weak to stand, his words laced with concern.

ἔρως. Eros. A lover’s heart. Fingers grazing the coat you left behind, pining for your return. Whispered prayers for your safety, because maybe he might not be able to move on if something happens to you. Awakened by dreams of looking into your eyes, of hearing your voice caressing his name.

ἀγάπη. Agape. Unconditional love. The love of God. Wrapping you in a hug, with his smile transforming his face, even after you ran away. Taking your battered form in his arms, even after you broke the world.Loving you, loving you, loving you, despite yourself.

And the four loves wash over him in waves. Storge. Phileo. Eros. Agape. Over and over and over. He gives you himself piece by piece, each of the four loves painting his heart a deeper shade of you.


	2. Day One

You loved him for quite a while.

You loved him for a little more than four years without understanding. Over four years of friendship, nothing more, no touches, no affectionate proclamations, no whispered sweet nothings. Simply sharing lingering glances and maybe standing a little too close.

Four years? Sure, it seems like forever to some, but after an eternity trapped in your own head, surrounded by those who never understood you, what was another 49 months without acted-upon love? To them, you were skewed, loving all the wrong things and dwelling on some ridiculous hope. You attempted to follow their rules, mandates that were already broken when they were made, but you never could fit that pattern. And the moment you encountered him, you were lost to them. There would be no turning back.

You fell in love on a Thursday, but it took 1,498 more days before you understood why you were willing to do anything for him.

It was a Tuesday when you heard his whispered words floating through the dark to your ears, dripping with whiskey and pleading for you to come to him, and to stay. He told you that he needed you, and you wanted to acquiesce. 2,157,120 minutes after your meeting of souls, you were finally able to name the force that had driven your choices since that moment: it was love. A shimmering, all encompassing love, and you didn’t want to leave.

But you did. Fear took over and locked you away in parts unknown. You were gone, muttering excuses about unworthiness and mistakes. Your compulsion toward penance convinced you that you were undeserving of joy, of rest, of peace, of warmth, of butterflies, of being filled with light as you are when he’s near.

You were filthy, broken, wrong, and who were you to deserve healing? Days without him were torture. Nights were full of ugly, hateful dreams. Your actions weren't always your own.The hours faded together, and you were everywhere and nowhere all at once.

And then, all of a sudden, you were human. Staring up at a starry sky, tears forming rivers down your cheeks, emptied of grace, weak, but human. No more monsters inside. Your mind was yours again. And slowly you returned to him.

Now here you are with him, rummaging through your mind for the words to say. But instead of speaking, you realize that with every breath that passes through your lungs, you begin to love something new about him.

Inhale. Green irises drenched in anticipation; you experience for the first time getting lost in someone’s gaze.

Exhale. Freckles dusting his skin; your fingers itch to trace each one.

Inhale. Crow’s feet around his eyes, signifying that his sunshine smiles are appearing more frequently; you desire to draw one such smile from him right now.

Exhale. His ever hopeful heart on his sleeve; you hunger for that hope to pour over into you, to wash away your despondency.

You love him, but it doesn't need to be spoken. Not yet. Now is not the time for confessions, but simply for company. You press your shoulder against his and make no attempt to stifle the sigh of contentment that forces its way from your lips. Each breath takes you further from yourself. Each beat of your heart takes you further into him.

2,157,120 minutes after the first brush of your souls, but today feels like day one.

**Author's Note:**

> The Four Loves is a book by C.S. Lewis on the nature of love. Some of my definitions were based on the wikipedia page about the book.


End file.
